What You May Not Know About Cuffing Season
Ahhh November… The days are growing shorter, the nights are getting longer and a bit chiller too! (Depending upon where you re in the world). With the holidays approaching, we can feel a shift happening into seeking out warmer, cozier spaces as the air get’s more crips, and the clothing a bit heavier and food a bit richer, (enter turtlenecks, scarves, and pumpkin-spiced everything!). Autumn is in full swing and comfort is not only sought through foods and clothing choices but in human connection too. Everything from temporary hookups to situationships and beyond… Oh yeah, cuffing season has officially begun!
If you’re craving physical intimacy along with apple cider doughnuts right now, you’re not alone.
That’s right:
It’s cuffing season
Cuffing season is so called because it describes the desire to be “tied down” (or “cuffed”) that often arises in the colder months of Fall & Winter. According to Urban Dictionary, where the term first popped up in 2011, “cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes [you] to become lonely.”
As you drift into autumnal bliss, you may also find your mind floating toward the desire for someone to hold hands and cuddle with, the dream of someone to make hot chocolate for on an imminent snow day — even if the romance fizzles out by spring. Even if commitment isn’t usually your cup of tea, you might feel a yearning for a romantic connection this time of year.
“It makes sense that we would actively seek out intimacy and connection during these times,”
says Jamie J. LeClaire, a sex educator who specializes in touch.
“Studies have even consistently revealed that during colder months, people experience a significant rise in testosterone levels, making them more likely to desire the company of a sexual or romantic partner.” Yep, cuffing a partner to get us through winter is evolutionary! Wanting physical contact is a built-in survival instinct, and winter is a notoriously dangerous time as far as survival goes.
It’s significantly colder at this time of year and darker- both of which are not optimal for sight, joy, or socialization. So of course what we crave this time of year is someone to cuddle with under blankets, sharing takeout while getting our Netflix -n-Chill. on.
This makes perfect sense as we are spending more time indoors and bodies provide added warmth, during this colder time. The safety we feel in being nurtured through touch, and the consistent socializing that commitment offers, it may be that cuffing can literally helps us survive winter.
But this can still be confusing for folks who generally prefer to stay single or to have casual sex partners. Does the inclination to cuff mean you suddenly want a forever boo? Hmmmm… maybe not, because for you, this season might be less about commitment and more about getting consistent sensual contact.
A warm body, and (hopefully good) company.
And it’s your increased skin hunger that alerts you it’s cuffing time. But what is skin hunger?
Skin hunger, defined: “Skin hunger” describes the extent to which you crave sensual touch. In the fall, as your body is biologically preparing for the cold, you may be more drawn to cuddling than usual.
Some of us need a lot of sensual touch, like hugging, massaging, and holding hands, and some of us prefer very little. But understanding the distinction between skin hunger (our desire for touch nurturance) and sex drive (our desire for sexual activity) is important — and can help us unpack how cuffing season sneaks up on us. Especially if you’ve ever found yourself unsatisfied even when your sexuality needs are met.
As an adult, you need touch nurturance to feel safe too!
That’s because touch lowers cortisol (the hormone associated with stress) and triggers the release of oxytocin, the hormone involved in physiological processes like reproduction and orgasm, childbirth and breastfeeding, and — yes — interpersonal bonding. An oxytocin experience brings people closer together, both emotionally and neurobiologically. And these feelings of trust, devotion, and comfort in vulnerability are directly related to our ability to survive, both as individuals and as a species.
In a nutshell: touch means closeness… and closeness means safety. (From an Evolutionary standpoint). So, you see cuffing season is absolutely not something that can be overlooked and the conditions and our predispositions all lend themselves to this being the perfect time of year for it.
Touch, plain and simple, is a human need…
If you find yourself obsessively swiping right and left (and up, but who actually uses super likes?), scrambling to find a cold-weather cuddle buddy, you’re not alone.But it is worth sitting with what you’re looking for, exactly, and figuring out how to make sure everyone’s needs are met.
Before you start your cuffing roster… ask yourself:
Is your body craving sensual touch or sexual activity (or both)? Give yourself time to marinate in the fact that these two needs are separate. Consider how each can be met and which one you’re more drawn to.
How will you communicate your needs to a potential partner? How might you compromise to make sure they’re happy too? As always, keep in mind that you’re not the only person in this equation — and it’s unlikely that a perfect, perfect match is out there. What are your non-negotiables? Where is there wiggle room?
Are you prepared to reevaluate the relationship when spring blossoms into view? If you go into your search knowing you want a short-term relationship, that’s fine! But you should also go in with the expectation that you’ll have conversations about the longevity of the relationship as time goes on.
And if you’re unable to secure a cuffing partner before the first blizzard strikes, how else can you get your needs met? For example, cuddling animal companions also releases oxytocin. And LeClaire notes that booking yourself a massage - or even attending a cuddle party — can also help.
One we may feel more intensely as our bodies prepare for the brutality of winter. So your sudden desire to cuff and be cuffed? Totally legit. But we still owe it to our partners — and ourselves — to form thoughtful, respectful, accountable relationships, even if they’ll be over in 6 months.