Toss The Toxicity

by Danielle Dujon

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do”

~Brené Brown

While mental health is definitely at the forefront of the wellness conversation in the Black community; there are some of us who have gotten so accustomed to living in chaos and depressive state of minds, that the trauma within our households have become unrecognizable. As a result, the toxicity lingers and becomes woven into almost every facet of our lives.

The word ‘toxic’ is getting thrown around profusely these days. Considering the roller coaster of emotions that have flooded our nervous systems in 2020, many of us are being pulled into a new wave of self discovery and healing. This realization of the depth of our unprocessed trauma has forced many of us to take stock of our spiritual, mental, physical and emotional sovereignty. Where do we begin to unwrap the toxicity?

Growing up in the Bronx in a Caribbean household, where arguments were as common as sunsets, there was a distinct expression that I would see on the faces of the adults around me. The look I would later in life see on my son when I knew I was acting out of suppressed emotions. From a depressed mental state. I've seen that look on my brother, my mother, my father and I too have held that expression. Unprocessed info- anger, sadness, confusion and aloofness. 

 Being a child of emotionally absent parents living in a house riddled with trauma and dysfunction, led me to have PTSD from the time I was a very little girl. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember. When a child is not nurtured or shown love and affection, but is instead beaten for every mistake he/she makes, it leads to mental health and physical health injuries. Being forced to suppress my emotions since I was a child has caused me to suffer from a damaged gut and blocked throat chakra. 

In my lifetime, I've been sexually and physically assaulted, almost lost my life in a car accident, felt suicidal too many times to count and had a baby at 19 that I raised primarily on my own. I've also been a valedictorian, inducted into the national honor society, voted most likely to succeed, performed on the famous Apollo stage 3 times, chose the slogan for my yearbook cover, raised an intelligent well mannered young man who attends NYU, worked at some of the most famous law firms in the world and now at 39, I am a Compliance Officer for the one of the biggest tech companies in the world. 

If we think about some of the pillars in the Black community like Nina Simone, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Rihanna, Tyler Perry etc. they have all endured enormous levels of toxicity in their lives that were suppressed by big dreams. Oftentimes it feels easier to press forward through the storm than to process the pain. However, it’s not until the alchemy within you is activated that you can truly live out your purpose. 

To find the truth/medicine within us we need to start from the source of the lie/poison. Are you aware of your triggers? Do you feel safe around “all” your friends and fam? Do you feel empowered or does your spirit feel disturbed once you’re no longer around certain people? Do you like spending time with yourself or do you need to be occupied all day?  Focus your healing around the areas that cause angst. Feel, heal and grow through it. Until we can understand, face and extinguish the toxicity in our life, we may be in a cycle of perpetual confusion confronting the same scenarios with people we come in contact with. Healing also challenges us to better understand any negative energy we put out into the world and where that energy stems from. Follow that stem to the root and see where and who it’s attached to. Our triggers are our teachers.

Therapy and other forms of brain health activities like meditation, journaling and yoga can contribute to our healing journey and can bring things to the surface that our minds and bodies have tried to suppress. 

Few things to be mindful of: It’s not your fault! In the words of my soul sister Lalah Delia “forgive yourself for all the relationships and friendships you settled for when you weren’t in your power”. Make way for the new TRIBE of freedom, love and light that’s on the horizon. Be patient with yourself. Your journey is YOUR JOURNEY. Love yourself through it. Toss the toxicity and tap tap tap in!